JONATHAN BROWN: He’s the Prime Minister of Australia, duh. Also a man who has declared AFL as the most exciting football code, duh. Here’s Malcolm.
CHRISSIE SWAN: Well, Mr Turnbull, forgive me but it’s about time.
PRIME MINISTER: Well it’s great to be with you, what’s the vibe like down in Tiger-land today?
JONATHAN BROWN: What’s it like Swanny?
CHRISSIE SWAN: You’re so fancy Malcolm Turnbull. What’s the ‘vibe in Tiger-land today’? The vibe is wonderful.
PRIME MINISTER: Yeah that’s alright, well tell me, it must be so exciting. I can’t wait to get down to Melbourne later on today.
CHRISSIE SWAN: It is unbelievable. I’ve knocked out every second tooth in honour of the Grand Final this weekend. We are very pumped.
PRIME MINISTER: That’ll be a very expensive visit back to the dentist.
CHRISSIE SWAN: That’s true.
JONATHAN BROWN: Just as expensive, probably not as expensive as grand final tickets though Swanny?
PRIME MINISTER: That’d be right.
JONATHAN BROWN: You haven’t been able to get them, they’re up to about $3,000 a pop Mr Prime Minister.
PRIME MINISTER: Yeah. Well I guess it must so exciting, I’m looking forward to being there. Now Browny, how many grand finals did you win? Was it three?
JONATHAN BROWN: I won three, yes.
PRIME MINISTER: Three out of four, that’s pretty good.
JONATHAN BROWN: Three out of four yeah, thanks for bringing that up.
PRIME MINISTER: So what are the players feeling? How are they feeling today?
JONATHAN BROWN: It’s a good question actually, because they’ll have their main training session today.
PRIME MINISTER: Yeah.
JONATHAN BROWN: I remember famously one of my teammates Malcolm went through a fitness test the day before the Grand Final, Nigel Lappin had two broken ribs, went through the fitness test, punctured his lung during the fitness test and still went out and played in the Grand Final the next day and we won. Which was the most, the greatest act of courage I’ve ever seen on the football field.
SAM PANG: Mate, I recon Tony Abbott would go through all that, just to get back in Malcolm’s chair, by the way, so don’t worry about Browny.
Hey Malcolm are you definitely coming or is there a chance you’ll scalp your ticket?
PRIME MINISTER: No, I’ll be there, I’ll be there, I think my ticket is non-transferrable.
CHRISSIE: Where do you get to sit? What’s your Grand Final setup?
SAM PANG: Middle of the ground.
PRIME MINISTER: No, I’ll be a guest of the AFL. In fact speaking of the AFL I’m going to catch up, in Tiger-land tomorrow with Brendon Gale and Gillon McLachlan -
JONATHAN BROWN: Jeez.
PRIME MINISTER: The tallest sports administrator in Australia.
SAM PANG: Be careful, tomorrow you’ll be safe but on Sunday win or loose that’ll be like Aleppo down there in Richmond, I’m not kidding. Be very careful, they’re thinking about introducing martial law into Richmond on Sunday, win or loose Malcolm so just be careful with that.
PRIME MINISTER: Well I’ll be keeping an eye out. I mean you’re very lucky in Melbourne - I mean I’m sure it’s not luck, it was all design - but you’re so fortunate in having your big sporting arenas so close to the city and you know, so accessible. It’s really, there’s nowhere else in Australia where you get such an engagement in big spectator sport as you do in Melbourne.
JONATHAN BROWN: Really, well you don’t see that Malcolm, because in Sydney of course, the NRL Grand Final is on Sunday night, but that’s out at ANZ stadium which is a fair way out of the city centre in Sydney.
PRIME MINISTER: Sure, sure.
JONATHAN BROWN: You wouldn’t get the same passion, in around the inner suburbs would you, for the NRL Grand Finals we see down here in Melbourne.
PRIME MINISTER: No you don’t, it’s very different. I mean it was built for the Olympics obviously and they’ve got a great train connection. You know, I normally get the train out to the ANZ Stadium at Homebush and that all works very well, but there’s no substitute for, you know, walking out of the ground and going and having a beer with your friends at a pub or you know, getting a meal, or whatever. It is a much more connected environment.
But you still, you’ve got that to a large degree in Sydney with the cricket ground and the you know, football stadium, but you’re right about Homebush. Anyway, enough of Sydney the focus is on Melbourne and the Tigers, so Punt Road’s a beautiful ground too.
CHRISSIE SWAN: I want to talk about beers. How did you feel when you got into trouble for having, an innocent grandfather having a beer with your grandchild on your lap?
PRIME MINISTER: Well I got in trouble with I think half a dozen narcs and got sympathy from about, you know, a million normal people who were pleased to see me there.
[Laughter] You know, Chrissy it was Daisy’s joke. Daisy’s joke about - and you’d relate to this - about men not being particularly good at multitasking.
CHRISSIE SWAN: Right.
PRIME MINISTER: So what she was suggesting was that this was Baba – that’s what the grandkids call me – this was Baba’s multitasking achievement, watching the football, nursing the baby and having a beer and that was about it.
CHRISSIE SWAN: People say it was also Baba’s attempt to draw attention away from the same-sex marriage debacle.
PRIME MINISTER: Really?
CHRISSIE SWAN: Yeah.
PRIME MINISTER: Now, that’s the first time I’ve heard that.
CHRISSIE SWAN: Really?
PRIME MINISTER: But I think postal survey, or the marriage survey is going well. Lots of people are engaging in it and sending their forms back. I know there have been a few ugly incidents, there always, I mean there are in elections, lets face it, during a parliamentary election. But I think generally, overwhelmingly, people have engaged in this in good humour and good spirit and respectfully.
Luce and I have already sent our form in. We voted ‘yes’. We’ve encouraged others to do so, but it’s important that everyone has their say.
SAM PANG: Malcolm, can I call you Baba?
PRIME MINISTER: You can, you can, but what you’re going to have to do is eat your dinner in a high chair and carefully spread spaghetti bolognese all over you face and run it through your hair.
CHRISSIE SWAN: This is really weird. Really weird and wonderful. I love it!
PRIME MINISTER: Yeah, that’d be good. Well, you know what it’s like with families. I mean, the first grandchild gets naming rights on the grandparents, so I’m Baba and Lucy’s Gaga. So what do you make of that?
SAM PANG: Baba, I want to ask you this; what is with, has it been a strategic position you’ve taken, to start doing FM radio, Baba?
PRIME MINISTER: No I don’t think, I’ve always done FM and AM radio, FM as well as AM. Look, I don’t know, I’ve been involved in radio since before you guys were born. I used to work for 2SM in the mid ‘70s.
JONATHON BROWN: Yes?
SAM PANG: Doing what?
CHRISSIE SWAN: That’s why his elocution is so good.
PRIME MINISTER: I used to cover the state parliament in Sydney on 2SM.
CHRISSIE SWAN: He’s an old newshound.
PRIME MINISTER: Which of course in those days belonged to the Catholic Church, hence the name.
CHRISSIE SWAN: Amen Baba. Hey, thanks for joining us and we hope to catch up soon.
PRIME MINISTER: Alright, look forward to an exciting day.
SAM PANG: Thanks Prime Minister.
JONATHAN BROWN: Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull.